I Come To Ask For Your Support
I don't know why I didn't come sooner. I am learning so much during this very difficult time, especially about how hard it IS for me to ask for help. I don't mean "please, can you buy me a gallon of milk on the way home?" or "can you clean the cat litter for me?", but for spiritual help, help being held in the middle of this storm on a spiritual level.
I have lived with chronic pain for 25 years. What it really boils down to is severe spinal stenosis, which is the result of spinal arthritis. Despite the diagnosis at age 24, I was a dancer; I had to stop dancing very young, at age 32, because of pain. I am now 56 and let's just say it AIN'T gonna get any better.
When I attended The Gathering in '03, I was just coming out of a couple of years of one surgery after another, all musculoskeletal problems that COULD be "fixed"; i am now dealing with the possibility of spine surgery; trust me, I have filled my life with energy work....Reiki is LOVELY, so is all of the other work I have done, and maybe it IS my disbelief that any of it will restructure me mechanically, but....I have a spine that continues to degenerate faster and more severely than anyone I know.
It has now been almost three months of the severe crisis I am now in; I have had the requisite MRIs, I am not sitting around feeling sorry for myself....well, maybe a little bit, but everything I love has been basically taken away from me: for two of these months, due to the disability of pain, I have not been able to paint, do my photography, make collages, play my djembe....ANY of the creative joys of my life. YES I am on a pretty huge learning curve!!! Lots of time to think and be introspective, but....now I just feel lonely isolated and fearful of having to have surgery to TRY to fix things a bit.
Fear is interesting, don't you think? LOL
It has been a dark time and so I come to ask "Could you send me some Light?" That would be so lovely. And thank you, anyone, everyone.....
Namaste,
claujuh
P.S. i just did my "photo roulette"....randomly with eyes closed chose three photos from my files...i don't even know which ones they are yet! just one of those "self entertainment" things i've come up with lately.....entertaining AND very very interesting at times.....almost like choosing three Soul Cards and reading in them what there is for you to read!
I have lived with chronic pain for 25 years. What it really boils down to is severe spinal stenosis, which is the result of spinal arthritis. Despite the diagnosis at age 24, I was a dancer; I had to stop dancing very young, at age 32, because of pain. I am now 56 and let's just say it AIN'T gonna get any better.
When I attended The Gathering in '03, I was just coming out of a couple of years of one surgery after another, all musculoskeletal problems that COULD be "fixed"; i am now dealing with the possibility of spine surgery; trust me, I have filled my life with energy work....Reiki is LOVELY, so is all of the other work I have done, and maybe it IS my disbelief that any of it will restructure me mechanically, but....I have a spine that continues to degenerate faster and more severely than anyone I know.
It has now been almost three months of the severe crisis I am now in; I have had the requisite MRIs, I am not sitting around feeling sorry for myself....well, maybe a little bit, but everything I love has been basically taken away from me: for two of these months, due to the disability of pain, I have not been able to paint, do my photography, make collages, play my djembe....ANY of the creative joys of my life. YES I am on a pretty huge learning curve!!! Lots of time to think and be introspective, but....now I just feel lonely isolated and fearful of having to have surgery to TRY to fix things a bit.
Fear is interesting, don't you think? LOL
It has been a dark time and so I come to ask "Could you send me some Light?" That would be so lovely. And thank you, anyone, everyone.....
Namaste,
claujuh
P.S. i just did my "photo roulette"....randomly with eyes closed chose three photos from my files...i don't even know which ones they are yet! just one of those "self entertainment" things i've come up with lately.....entertaining AND very very interesting at times.....almost like choosing three Soul Cards and reading in them what there is for you to read!
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