I understand now, and would like to share this....

[Claujuh]

i know i have been posting facilitation experiences like gang busters since my class started last week....but now it is all starting to settle in my heart and i can see things for what they really were. i am referring most specifically to the woman in the group who had a breakdown and raged at me in the group this past wednesday night. i can now see, now that my physical being has calmed from the assault and fright of being attacked like that, that it was, really, Touch Drawing just doing what it does.

i allowed everyone to choose a card from Soul Cards 2.....this woman chose what is numbered #76 on the e-card page of our website, the screaming image....she instantly disliked it and said so: i offered her the deck so she could choose again, knowing that she might just get something out of her first choice if she stuck with it and drew from it! i DID suggest that, generally, to the group, saying that often if you work with a card you just can't warm up to, you might find out interesting things via your drawing.

well, suffice it to say that she denied the scream card and continued to draw benign images (from my perspective); this is what she wanted the experience to be, to draw "nice pictures" that would accompany her poetry, as a friend of hers had done in a TD workshop (i am not sure where she took this workshop or with whom).

i believe the original card nestled into her soul and cut loose her own scream which found its way out in an unfortunate manner: in a full blown rage attack aimed at me. i had just finished making one of those gentle facilitator suggestions, to not focus on drawing something recognizable, but to go with energy, maybe close the eyes, but that, ofcourse, they could do it however they chose. that was when she made her caustic "you're damn right we can do whatever we want" comment to me and i initially backed off so as to not stir the pot....but then i realized the "pot" was my GROUP, so i went back to try to talk to her and she attacked....she was like a coiled snake, just waiting. but it was the power of Touch Drawing that had reached her, and she was NOT comfortable with that at ALL.

i feel like i have a live wire in my hands now; in some ways i guess i do, the live wire of human energy. may i always use it for the highest good of all concerned.

[Mary Barrett]

Dear Claujuh - This is my first visit to the forum. the first thing I want to say in reply is how brave you are to share with such honesty. I have no idea of your background and so can't reply with that info in mind. What you described reminds me of similar experiences I've had with young teen girls. It is tough to know what to do. I found myself knowing more after the fact! I was forced to accept limitations I believed I didn't have, and that was hard for me. Understand I am not in anyway connecting this to you or your experience. This is about me. I'm glad to be reminded of that time. i do have limitations and that's good to remember - otherwise I'd be acting like I'm God!!
I'm also reminded of my training in Authentic Movement. As a facilitator, I sit in a witness position as well. I was taught to watch the moving experience of others as their own. That the thoughts that naturally would occur, such as, "Oh, she is sad or she is moving like a machine or she is holding a baby" were my interpretations and that I really had no idea what she was experiencing. I was instructed to witness my own thoughts as my experience, so that the movement brought up a sense of a machine for me, or I had a feeling of a baby being held or sadness came up for me when she moved in that way. My own experience was my own and the mover's experience was her own. In Authentic Movement this is essential. It takes much practice and doing my own movement work.
I've seen the parallel between TD and AM from the begininng. That's my interpretation!!!
You did not ask for feedback specifically and so I am offering you these associations I have to your experience.
I believe that your intention to always use TD for the highest good of all concerned is one of the most important things we can bring with us. And it is obvious that it is your intention. Your class is lucky. Mary Ernst
PS Visit the Touch Drawing and Grief Group I have started!

[Claujuh]

oh my ....it's been a very long time since i have visited here. mary, thank you for your generous response! my class ended in december and unfortunately i have been dealing with health issues ever since....one test after another....and it is only now , at the end of january, that i am able to start to re think working with the group i started. everyone seemed to be open to the idea of purchasing their own supplies,from the Center, so they all have their own to work with and i no longer have to provide everything, collecting money from "participants" and doing the shopping and shlepping! the plan is to get together once a month and just work TOGETHER, with me as participant, no longer as "facilitator". what i found was that it was not a role i enjoyed.....there were some obvious rough spots, ofcourse, LOL, but in general i just don't want to be in charge of a group....there are six of us who want to get together to do touch drawing once a month, and i think that is a marvelous outcome from this first group experience.

i have just started taking a QiGong class and what i am learning about my own energy is really informing my touch drawing experience! it's amazing. so i think at this point facilitating was an educational experience for me ,and certainly it was for the women in the group.....but i want to be part of the experience, so i will not facilitate in this next round. perhaps this spring i will reconsider......i will check out your grief group now mary.

NAMASTE!
claujuh